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I was just in the car and wondered to myself ‘How am I doing?’.  I do my best thinking in the car, which is a shame as I don’t really go anywhere in it much.  If I try and sit down and have a think about something important, my mind goes to mush unless I’m driving. Then the thoughts flow.

My answer, to myself, was…I’m not ok, but I’m ok with not being ok.  For now.

It’s become a massive cliche but ‘everything’ has changed. That change is only just starting to take shape. The future seems a very different place, to me. Uncertain and much less focused than the ideas I had about it six months ago. A lot of my fears pandemic-wise have abated and in part that has been due to my return to work.  They still creep up on me though. For instance, every time I see a bus full of face masks my blood runs cold.

Talking of work, I was sat in the clinic earlier contemplating the new set up, stripped back so that cleaning is quicker and touch points are eradicated and wondered what a new patient might be thinking when they walk in. I’ve always felt that the treatment room was a welcoming space, but now when they walk in the first thing they see is a stark metal sink surrounded by cleaning sprays and PPE notices.

‘It doesn’t need to be this way’ was my next thought.  I’ve figured out how to work as safely as possible, I’ve become accustomed to the new procedures and protocols to reduce touch, maintain distance and clean, quickly.

So, it was time for another re-work of the space to assimilate the change, but make it more welcoming and pleasing. As it turned out, that was pretty easy to do. It has been a relief that the practice is showing signs of recovery and new patients are booking and starting up their acupuncture experience. One of my greatest fears was that after twelve years of building the business up from nothing, it would all be lost. Fingers crossed.

So, what has all this reflection on my present situation this morning done for me?

  1. Change happens. At different rates and different magnitudes. If I had written down everything I would have to experience over the last twelve months, it would have freaked the living daylights out of me. This leads on to..
  2. We cope. It’s human to cope. We do it almost instinctively and that is how we have evolved. No matter how overwhelming something seems, after a few sleeps, we adjust and it becomes more manageable.
  3. Huge change brings opportunity. This immense change has cleared the way for the new. Some of you know I was working on a side line last year growing and selling local flowers. That’s all gone now, partly due to the P word. Partly due to being able to take the time to reflect and realise it was fun, but it wasn’t exactly right. At first it stung to let it go, now it feels great and I’m excited at what may be next.
  4. My attitude to my work has changed. I am now clearing more time for myself and getting my practice diary organised. Previously, I would basically leave my online diary wide open. That has been trimmed down to Wednesdays – Saturdays.
  5. Keeping healthy is taking priority. Moving more, eating better, working on balancing my ‘midlife sleep issues’.
  6. Letting things (and people) go.  If it ain’t working, it’s time to release the grasp. Repeating the same behaviours will likely not bring new outcomes.
  7. Downsizing my day to day expectations. Maybe there is beauty in simplicity. Lockdown has meant life is smaller. So be it. I’m not wasting time pushing against it. Accept it.
  8. Be more disciplined. My biggest challenge is working with myself. I am untidy and often disorganised. I am working daily to remedy this. Particularly the sodding kitchen!
  9. Not knowing what is ahead is something I can accept. I was fooling myself that I had handle on the future anyway. We do it, but it’s a waste of time. It’s a security blanket and I’m a big boy now and my sucking cloth can be binned. So what if the future has fangs. I got through the last twelve months ok, I can do the next!
  10. Ask for help, especially from more experienced people and professionals. Today I’m having a chat with a nutritionist. Outside input is valuable, it provides opportunity for new ideas and better outcomes.
  11. People wearing face masks whilst riding their bikes, in the countryside, miles away from anyone, do not need my attention, I do not need to comment, I do not need to connect with that. They’ve got their way, I’ve got mine!

A lot has been turned on it’s head. I’m going to make it work for me. I’m going to work on it until it feels ok. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress! As the wonderful woman on my ‘F*ck It’ meditation keeps telling me.

Over and out.

Peace brothers and sisters.


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